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In Off The Post: Sam Matterface's say on the weekend's football action

Sports Mole columnist Sam Matterface looks back on the weekend's football action, with Chelsea, Portsmouth and Sepp Blatter on the agenda.

Fake result? Absolutely

Jose Mourinho said that Sunday's defeat to Manchester City was a fake result. It was. It should have been much worse.

Asmir Begovic made more saves in one game than he had to make in half a season at Stoke, behind a haemophiliac defence that couldn't close the very open wounds.

It was horrific. John Terry got the headlines because his lack of pace was exposed, but how bad was Cesc Fabregas? More worryingly, when was the last time that the man, who according to Chelsea fans "wears the magic hat", played well?

He gives the ball away too often, he does little to protect the back four and quite frankly he looks nervous. In advanced positions he takes too many touches, and even his assists have dried up.

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho surveys the scene ahead of the game with Man City on August 16, 2015© Getty Images

I can't remember a Chelsea team under Mourinho being so comprehensively beaten by a rival, and the announcement they'd signed a left-back minutes after the final whistle was a poor attempt at deflection.

Chelsea needed reinforcements in the summer. It sounds ridiculous, but it may be too late now.

I hadn't fancied Chelsea for the title because I'd seen them in pre-season. Many tried to inform me that performances in warm-up games don't matter, it's about fitness.

I agree to a point, but there were clearly other issues. Chelsea weren't ever going to get fit in a 23-day pre-season when everybody else had at least 10 days on them. Secondly, there was a general malaise and slackness about them from the first whistle against New York Red Bulls in July and it didn't improve.

There's a problem. Mourinho has to fix it. And if he wants to retain the title, sticking plasters won't do.

Refereeing clangers

Lee Mason lost it at Palace on Sunday. The crowd got to him. He's an okay referee, but not one of the best and he was too easily affected by the cacophonous Selhurst Park crowd.

Francis Coquelin probably shouldn't have been booked for his first challenge but was. He then wasn't booked when he deserved to be, so it was inevitable that the crowd reared up when the Frenchman wasn't dismissed for a final challenge that was a booking all day long.

Alan Pardew said to the referee at half-time "he can't make another foul Lee or he is off". The impression Pardew gave the press was that Mason agreed.

Sassy referee Lee Mason waggles a finger at Francis Coquelin during Arsenal's game at Palace on August 16, 2015© Getty Images

So, in the second half, when Coquelin commits a foul on halfway on James McArthur and doesn't see red, it's understandable that Pardew is upset. The crowd too. Especially as Mason then gave Arsenal the chance to substitute Coquelin before he was sent off by warning his captain!

I don't want to see 11 vs. 10, but the rules are the rules, and there is no doubt it would have changed the game. Coquelin was so good at breaking up play in midfield, and Arsenal still have a mental weakness when things go against them.

At best it was clumsy handling by Mason, at worst he lost his head. What leads me to believe it was the latter was the moment when Nacho Monreal almost took Connor Wickham's head off with a foot as high as the Shard and the official gave Arsenal a free kick!

"A - yew fancy a game?"

Not a bad start for Andre Ayew. Two goals in two games and he struck the upright against Newcastle.

Andre Ayew scores Swansea's second against Newcastle on August 15, 2015© Getty Images

It's another triumph for the South Wales club, who's scouting department have spotted and grabbed Wilfried Bony, Michu, Bafetimbi Gomis, Gylfi Sigurdsson and Michel Vorm.

Most go on to bigger clubs for huge fees, but let's hope they keep Andre for a little while yet.

Play up Pompey!

Three games into his career as the Portsmouth manager and Paul Cook has managed to unearth a recipe to success on the road.

Last season only Blackpool had a worse away record than Portsmouth across all four divisions, but the no-nonsense Cook, who's Chesterfield team played super football last season, has three points from his first road trip.

Adam McGurk of Portsmouth celebrates scoring a goal during the Capital One Cup First Round match between Portsmouth v Derby County at Fratton Park on August 12, 2015 in Portsmouth, England.

How did he do it? Well taking them to Plymouth Argyle on Thursday night instead of Friday night was his trick this week.

A trio of wins at this stage of the season is a brilliant start, but it's promotion that has to be the goal.

Blatter's blathering

In an interview that reveals more about his character than he would want, Sepp Blatter appears to evade more questions than he answers. He almost suggested that UEFA were behind a bomb threat aimed at disrupting FIFA's presidential election and accused Michel Platini of intimidating his family - among other things!

The arrogant Blatter also says FIFA cannot be changed because of the way he has built it, and boasts that he has swollen its staff numbers tenfold since taking office.

Sepp Blatter delivers a speech ahead of the FIFA presidency vote on May 29, 2015© Getty Images

What is more ridiculous than anything else is that the head of football's governing body has a "presidential residence", a "presidential vehicle" and a "presidential entourage" of eight.

However, he doesn't wear tailor-made suits.

Sam Matterface will be commentating on Celtic's Champions League playoff against Malmo for ITV Sport this Wednesday evening. He can also be followed on Twitter on @sammatterface.

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Olivier Giroud of Arsenal celebrates after scoring the first goal during the Emirates Cup match between Arsenal and Olympique Lyonnais at the Emirates Stadium on July 25, 2015
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Monday's key events

· Jonny Brownlee will look to make the most of his brother Alistair's absence as he goes for gold in the men's triathlon (10.30pm-1am)

· Team GB get their campaign underway with two matches, against Canada and Japan (from 1.30am)

· One of Team GB's biggest gold medal hopes, Adam Peaty will take part in the 100m breaststroke final. (3.12am)
· Ariarne Titmus and Katie Ledecky go head to head for gold in the women's 400m freestyle final (3.20am)

· Tom Daley and Matty Lee take part in the men's 10m synchro final (7am-8am)

· The men's team final takes place (11am)

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