Fake result? Absolutely
Jose Mourinho said that Sunday's defeat to Manchester City was a fake result. It was. It should have been much worse.
Asmir Begovic made more saves in one game than he had to make in half a season at Stoke, behind a haemophiliac defence that couldn't close the very open wounds.
It was horrific. John Terry got the headlines because his lack of pace was exposed, but how bad was Cesc Fabregas? More worryingly, when was the last time that the man, who according to Chelsea fans "wears the magic hat", played well?
He gives the ball away too often, he does little to protect the back four and quite frankly he looks nervous. In advanced positions he takes too many touches, and even his assists have dried up.
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I can't remember a Chelsea team under Mourinho being so comprehensively beaten by a rival, and the announcement they'd signed a left-back minutes after the final whistle was a poor attempt at deflection.
Chelsea needed reinforcements in the summer. It sounds ridiculous, but it may be too late now.
I hadn't fancied Chelsea for the title because I'd seen them in pre-season. Many tried to inform me that performances in warm-up games don't matter, it's about fitness.
I agree to a point, but there were clearly other issues. Chelsea weren't ever going to get fit in a 23-day pre-season when everybody else had at least 10 days on them. Secondly, there was a general malaise and slackness about them from the first whistle against New York Red Bulls in July and it didn't improve.
There's a problem. Mourinho has to fix it. And if he wants to retain the title, sticking plasters won't do.
Lee Mason lost it at Palace on Sunday. The crowd got to him. He's an okay referee, but not one of the best and he was too easily affected by the cacophonous Selhurst Park crowd.
Francis Coquelin probably shouldn't have been booked for his first challenge but was. He then wasn't booked when he deserved to be, so it was inevitable that the crowd reared up when the Frenchman wasn't dismissed for a final challenge that was a booking all day long.
Alan Pardew said to the referee at half-time "he can't make another foul Lee or he is off". The impression Pardew gave the press was that Mason agreed.
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So, in the second half, when Coquelin commits a foul on halfway on James McArthur and doesn't see red, it's understandable that Pardew is upset. The crowd too. Especially as Mason then gave Arsenal the chance to substitute Coquelin before he was sent off by warning his captain!
I don't want to see 11 vs. 10, but the rules are the rules, and there is no doubt it would have changed the game. Coquelin was so good at breaking up play in midfield, and Arsenal still have a mental weakness when things go against them.
At best it was clumsy handling by Mason, at worst he lost his head. What leads me to believe it was the latter was the moment when Nacho Monreal almost took Connor Wickham's head off with a foot as high as the Shard and the official gave Arsenal a free kick!
"A - yew fancy a game?"
Not a bad start for Andre Ayew. Two goals in two games and he struck the upright against Newcastle.
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Most go on to bigger clubs for huge fees, but let's hope they keep Andre for a little while yet.
Play up Pompey!
Last season only Blackpool had a worse away record than Portsmouth across all four divisions, but the no-nonsense Cook, who's Chesterfield team played super football last season, has three points from his first road trip.
How did he do it? Well taking them to Plymouth Argyle on Thursday night instead of Friday night was his trick this week.
A trio of wins at this stage of the season is a brilliant start, but it's promotion that has to be the goal.
In an interview that reveals more about his character than he would want, Sepp Blatter appears to evade more questions than he answers. He almost suggested that UEFA were behind a bomb threat aimed at disrupting FIFA's presidential election and accused Michel Platini of intimidating his family - among other things!
The arrogant Blatter also says FIFA cannot be changed because of the way he has built it, and boasts that he has swollen its staff numbers tenfold since taking office.
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What is more ridiculous than anything else is that the head of football's governing body has a "presidential residence", a "presidential vehicle" and a "presidential entourage" of eight.
However, he doesn't wear tailor-made suits.
Sam Matterface will be commentating on Celtic's Champions League playoff against Malmo for ITV Sport this Wednesday evening. He can also be followed on Twitter on @sammatterface.